Stop and think about the past month.
How much help have you given other people? How many hours have you spent running errands for others, or lending an ear to a friend’s problem? How much time have you spent volunteering for your local school or kindy? Should we count up the number of times you’ve picked up after somebody in your family, or gone out of your way to make sure they have the right uniform/ costume/ project stationery supplies/ fill in the blank?
Now turn your mind to how much help you have asked for during the same timeframe. For many mums, this side of the equation doesn’t add up.
I find a lot of women have a fear of asking for help because they feel it is somehow a weakness. It indicates to others that they’re not coping. Instead, the opposite is true: It actually shows strength to know what you want, and be able to ask for it.
The irony is, that if asked, most people would love to help out their loved ones. Friends are not mind-readers, and are often completely unaware of your needs. Asking for help allows your friends to enjoy giving to you – and brings you closer together in the process. Even just articulating where you are headed or what you’d like to be doing in your career can enable your network to be on the lookout for opportunities– it opens up your options.
I have also been pleasantly surprised at the willingness of complete strangers to help me out – all I had to do was ask. People love to give advice, and to share what they have learned. We all like to be an expert in something! I’ve had many clients who have reached out to people who are working in a profession they’d like to get into, and received encouragement and insider tips to help them on their way. Some have even landed their dream jobs through their newfound mentor.
Mothers often fall so readily into the giving role, they forget to invest in themselves. Asking for help is really a way of valuing yourself and your own needs. Sometimes, all the help you need is some time and space to pursue your dreams.
It takes time and energy to search for a job. For some return-to-work mums, it also involves time and mental space to seek out a new direction, or learn new skills. Finding this time might involve stepping away from helping others and asking them to share more of the load. I often recommend to my clients that they find a separate space like the local library to work on their job search. It could involve asking friends or relatives to help you with babysitting or home tasks. Even if you buy this time by paying someone, it’s important to realise that this is not a sign of weakness, but a solid investment in you.
It’s ok to ask for help. You’re worth it!